My journey of becoming a single mom by choice

Becoming a single mom by choice wasn’t exactly how I envisioned my journey to motherhood unfolding, but looking back, it’s undeniably the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’m so happy that I had the courage to pursue this path!

Am I running out of time?

It all began in 2020, thanks in part to the chaos of the pandemic. At 34, I found myself grappling with the realization that time might be running out for me to meet someone and start a family in the traditional sense. The uncertainty of the future ultimately led me to pursue single motherhood by choice, despite my fear of doing motherhood alone.

A serious setback

The first step was to get a referral to a fertility clinic, which was fairly easy as a single woman. They recommended that I have some basic fertility testing done as well as a genetic carrier screen so that I could choose the best possible sperm donor. But after my first ultrasound in December 2020, I received some very unexpected news: they had discovered that I had both diminished ovarian reserve as well as a large dermoid cyst on one of my ovaries that needed to be removed. This news was a serious setback that I hadn’t seen coming, but it didn’t deter me from my plan. I was determined to have a baby on my own no matter what it took!

My choice for a donor and starting IUI

I chose a sperm donor from Seattle Sperm Bank, and although I had some information about what he looked like as well as baby photos, I was mostly focused on choosing someone healthy and intelligent. 

In June 2021, I underwent laparoscopic surgery to remove the dermoid cyst, a necessary step before starting fertility treatment. I then did two rounds of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) in August and September 2021, but sadly, neither resulted in a positive pregnancy test.

Moving on to IVF

In October 2021, I decided to try In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), hoping for a breakthrough. The process was emotionally taxing, compounded by the fact that I had only one embryo to work with after a challenging egg retrieval. 

Fast forward to mid-November 2021 when I received life-altering news – I was pregnant! The joy and excitement were indescribable, and that moment marked the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life.

Trying for baby #2

Today, my son, who was born in July 2022, is 19 months old and honestly I never knew that I could feel so much love for another human being! Now I’m in the middle of IVF once again as I attempt to expand my family with baby #2. This time it’s been even harder, but I remind myself often of the strength within me and the supportive community of single moms by choice around me. The road ahead may be daunting, with injections, procedures, and uncertainty, but I’m determined to grow my family once more, whatever it takes..

Purpose into my life

Being a single mom has its challenges, no doubt, and there have definitely been days when we were both crying at the same time! But my son has brought so much joy and purpose into my life, and I wouldn’t change a thing about how it happened, even if I could. Sure, there are times when I miss having a partner, but mostly I would just love to have that second income. And honestly now I don’t know how my married friends do it with a partner! As someone who is fiercely independent, I can’t imagine having to parent with another person. I’ve come to really enjoy the autonomy and empowerment that come with making parenting decisions solo.

You are not alone

For anyone considering single motherhood by choice, just know that you’re not alone.  It’s not an easy journey by any means, but the rewards are so worth it! Your dreams of motherhood are valid and achievable, regardless of your relationship status. And there’s a whole tribe of incredible women out there who’ve forged their own paths to parenthood, defying societal norms and expectations to become single moms by choice just like me. 

Embrace the journey, lean on your support network, and never underestimate the power of choice. After all, sometimes the most unconventional paths lead to the most beautiful destinations!

Kristin, single mother of 1

Photography by Alana Wagar Photography, Calgary AB.