When having a baby is not that easy…

When the first logical step in your life is having a baby, but that is just not that easy as it sounds. When I was young I used to think getting a baby was very romantical. Together you make the decision to try having a baby and you both are working towards something very beautiful. Both so very excited when there is a positive test.

Now I know this image is not for everyone, our journey is a lot different and I realize now that this subject is not something that is talked about a lot. 

No periods or cycle

Two years ago I had my Implanon removed. I knew it could take a while before your menstrual cycle would come back, so I waited patiently. After 6 months my cycle hasn’t come back yet but I was told this was very common after you stop using birth control. But after a year of not having my periods, this wasn’t normal anymore. Now, two years later, I still don’t have a cycle. In the meantime our wish for a baby is growing more and more. We are now being treated at the fertility clinic. At first I was ashamed and felt guilty because ‘my body’ wasn’t cooperating. Fortunately, I have been able to let that go.

Questions about having children

When we got married and moved into our new home, the number of questions about us having kids increased. ‘When are you having a baby?’, ‘Is that going to be the nursery?’. I know these questions were with good intentions, but when there is a lot of insecurity at that moment, these questions can be quite hard. I also realized that a lot of people assume that you try to get pregnant and you will be pregnant right away. Partly because of this, I decided to make our process public to try and break some of this taboo.

Honest and open about our process and journey

Nowadays I share our honest story about our wish of having a baby and our journey, on social media but also in real life. I still think it’s scary to share, because I sometimes get some very harsh comments. For example: ‘Apparently God didn’t have this in his mind for you’, ‘nowadays a lot of women run straight to the hospital if things don’t work out right away’ or ‘you are not a real woman if you can’t get pregnant’.

But on the other hand, I also receive a lot of messages from women and men who feel heard by my story and are feeling less alone. Because of my story, these people feel confident to also share their story and also dare to be open to their loved ones. That is worth everything to me, and that is why I will definitely continue sharing my story.

Our current status

For months now we are having a variety of tests in the fertility clinic. We are having one insecurity after another. I recently went to the doctor for a pap smear to check for cervical cancer and the result wasn’t what we had expected. So this has to be under control before we can continue with our baby journey. We still have hope. We continue to talk about it with each other and we try to do fun things together. Everytime we have a doctor’s appointment we plan a fun date or activity. 

I just want to say

What I would like to say to other wish parents (regardless of whether the problem is primary or secondary): know you are NOT alone! You don’t need to feel ashamed and, when you feel the need, you can always talk about your journey. Keep communicating with each other. Talking about it is relieving and we are with a lot of people who are in the same boat. Together we are strong!

Guest post by Yara Janson.